Persuasive Peer Review Assignment Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 250 words

Persuasive Peer Review - Assignment Example It also uses the claim of â€Å"common philosophy,† which does not automatically prove that the thesis is right. The thesis for me can be rewritten into: â€Å"Technology can help people become better parents, because it supports communication needs, it teaches children to be responsible, accountable and trustworthy, and it supports connectivity and family time.† The organization of the essay is clear, but better transitions can be made, where they are connected from one main point to another. Not all paragraphs are related to the thesis. The second paragraph, in particular, does not talk about the role of technology in better parenting, and it is more focused on the role of communication skills for parents. Each paragraph has one topic only and one topic sentence, but sometimes, the paragraphs are too long. Some sentences can be removed, when they no longer contribute to the claims of the writer. The major claims are not supported with outside evidence. The writer uses personal experiences and anecdotes only to support her claims. She should have used the sources she listed at the end of the paper to support her main points. The writer, nevertheless, responds to opposing views, such as concerns for young children having cellular phones and the impact of technology on quality family time. As for citation, MLA citation is not properly used. In-text citation is missing, and the works cited list is not completed and properly organized. The writing style is sometimes too informal, because of the use of contractions, and its excessive conversational style makes the paper less credible in proving its thesis. The paper is appropriate according to the instructions, because it has 6 pages, it is double-spaced, and it has a thesis at the end of the introduction. It also uses five outside sources. The introduction does not provide any hook and it does not end with a thesis. It provides background on some of the technologies used nowadays and some potential effects of